what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
