Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
