We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
