I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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