At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
