i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
