How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
