He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The best revenge is premature balding
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
