gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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