What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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