My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
