Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
