Taylor Swift is so right about you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
