So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
