My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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