I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
