I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
