Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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