genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
