we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
