Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
