I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
