did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
