i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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