why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
