I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
