i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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