would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
