I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
