I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
