I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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