The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
