there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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