Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
