I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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