i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
