I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
