i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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