If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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