No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
