my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
