my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
