After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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