He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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