You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
