some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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