There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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