3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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