Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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