Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
