you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
