I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
